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KWENU! Our culture, our future |
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Trapped A SHORT STORY
Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo
Saturday, March 4, 2006
A wild smile flashed on Johnny’s face as soon as the door opened and Nurse Lisa walked in. He had been waiting for her for a long time.
Lisa, a visiting nurse from Recover staffing agency, was a quintessential nurse to Johnny. More than a dispenser of care, Lisa provided healing. It helped that she was pretty too. In her skimpy dress, which Johnny adored, she carried herself flirtingly. Her relaxed demeanor at Johnny’s apartment made Johnny feel special.
Barbara, a direct care staff, lifted a basket of files off the dinning room table. She placed it on a bookshelf and helped Johnny get into his wheelchair.
“Hi, hi,” Johnny said to Lisa as he rolled his wheelchair to the table.
“How are you doing today?” Lisa asked graciously.
“Fine! Fine!” Johnny responded, waving his hands excitingly.
Lisa placed her bag on the table. It was the old, house-call bag doctors carried when they were making house calls. She moved over to the medication cabin, as vainly as a peacock, unlocked the door and brought out a box full of pills. She placed the box on the table and opened it with a set of keys she picked up inside the cabin.
“How have you been?” said Lisa as Johnny repositioned himself on the table.
“I have been doing pretty well,” Johnny said in his characteristic blur speech.
“That’s good. Are you ready to pour your meds?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think I have met you,” Lisa said to Barbara, who was standing between Johnny and Lisa.
“I’m a new staff….” Barbara began, but Johnny interrupted her.
“Barbara is my new staff,” Johnny said.
“She takes good care of you?
“Yes, she does.”
Lisa placed the weekly medication container on the table beside Johnny. She began to bring out each bottle.
“Any new meds or changes in the medication?” Lisa asked.
Barbara, who stood by the kitchen door quickly remembered: “Yes, my supervisor gave me copies of these prescriptions to give you.” She picked up a brown envelope from the bookshelf and handed it over to the nurse.
“Yes, I got new meds,” Johnny reported .
“Meds for what?” Lisa inquired as she opened the envelope and looked at each prescription.
“I got Viagra,” Johnny announced proudly.
“Viagra?” Lisa gasped, her reading glass falling off her eyes and hanging on its holding thread now resting on her chest.
“Yes! But I am not taking it anymore.”
“Why?”
“Because it doesn’t work.”
“Lets back up a little bit. Why did the doctor prescribe Viagra in the first place?
“Emmm…,” Johnny paused for a little while, “I plead the 5th on that one.”
Lisa did not press further. In one year working with Johnny, Lisa had learnt not to press too hard. Though tough talking and abrasive, even at times obnoxious, Johnny had been known to be emotional too. He once cried while talking about men whose hearts were broken by their wives.
Lisa continued to go through the prescriptions in her hands. “Your Paxil has been increased. Why is that?”
“Oh, I have been a bad boy.”
“What did you do?”
“Very very bad.”
“Don’t tell me you….”
“Yes, I did.”
“Again?”
“Yes.”
“No!”
“Yes.”
“I thought you have grown over that. I thought you’re now matured?”
“Em… I am a matured boy.”
“Maturity means that you have to act appropriately and be conscious of the consequences of your actions.”
“I know that.”
“So why did you?”
“I couldn’t help it. She was my perfect woman.”
“You can’t go about acting like that.”
“I know that. In fact, I know it was wrong. I won’t do it again.” As Johnny spoke, he showed the emphatic nature of his resolve by the gestures of his hands. His hands were strong. His physical therapy strengthened his hands as a compensation for his weaker legs.
“Does that mean you lost another therapist?” Lisa asked.
“No, she was not a therapist. She was an ordinary counselor.”
“Yes, but you lost a support staff, notwithstanding.”
“Well, they come in droves,” Johnny said. As he looked up, he saw Barbara watching at the kitchen end. He tilted closer to Lisa and whispered into her ear in a hushed tone: “They come a-dime-a-dozen.”
Johnny had a disposition to look down on direct support staff. He had problems with Black staff, but not the females. His dislike for the Black male was infinite. He found them lazy, irresponsible, and inarticulate. In their faces, he would describe them as such. Before his accident, Johnny had lived in an exclusive white neighborhood of Smithtown, where he said proudly that nothing brought him into contact with Blacks except for those who used to clean his pool. To every listener, Johnny would express his disgust in having to deal with a bunch of Black people, even the crude ones just brought from Africa. Worst of all, CARE, the agency that provided Johnny services, had the audacity to lodge him in an apartment complex mainly populated by poor Black people in suburban Babylon.
“You don’t say such things,” Lisa scolded.
“But I am right.” He bent towards Lisa again and whispered, “They are paid shit money. When one goes, others take her place.”
Lisa frowned. Frowning by Lisa had proven to be an effective tool in redirecting Johnny. If there were those born to be nurses, Lisa was one of them: skinny, well groomed, and manifesting a deep-rooted dedication to her call. It was obvious she wasn’t attracted to nursing by the recent upscale in their pay.
“Pardon me but you look pretty today, as always. I like your bracelets,” Johnny said as he stretched his hand and caressed the gold bracelets on Lisa’s hand. Lisa wore expensive clothes and jewelry. If anyone was in doubt about the recent boom in nurses’ salaries, mere looking at Lisa would provide the proof.
“Thank you, but no touching. You know that.”
“Sorry,” Johnny said apologetically.
“Okey, lets go back to pouring of meds.”
Lisa brought out each bottle of medication. She read the doctor’s order, crosschecked with the pharmacy label and asked Johnny how many tablets he would need for a week. Johnny, a former accountant with one of the big five accounting firms before his accident, gave her the amount needed for a week. Lisa unscrewed the bottle and dropped the pills into Johnny’s palm. Johnny then dropped the pills into the weekly morning-and-evening medication containers.
“Have you prayed for the Pope?” Johnny asked from nowhere.
“Yes,” Lisa answered .
“Good! So you are Catholic?”
“No!”
“I go to St. Jude’s. Is there anything wrong with Catholics?”
“No. I just go to a variety of churches since it is the same God that we worship.”
“I don’t think Black people worship the same God as us. Their God needs worshipers to sing and dance for Him.”
“It’s the same God but worshiped in a variety of ways.”
“Well, I like my women in different varieties. My future wife is Indian. She’s perfect.”
“Are you going to be a jerk again?”
“No. But I’m just saying….”
“That’s why the doctor increased your Paxil. Instead of giving you a smack on the head, he chose to increase your medication and get you sleeping at night.”
“I know what’s right and what’s wrong.”
“Then do it. It is of no use if you know but do not do it.”
“You mean, just like knowing what to do with a woman but do not do it?”
“You know what? Forget it.”
“No. Sometimes I can’t.”
“And why is that?”
“I think it is because of my brain injury.”
“What an excuse you have found!”
“I really mean it.”
“I think your injury only magnified your personality.”
“Are you saying I was an asshole before my accident?”
“No. I am not saying that.”
“I think you are right. I do think so sometimes.”
“Whatever!” Lisa popped out more medications into Johnny’s hand. Meticulously, Johnny dropped the medications in the appropriate container. "You’re doing so well. I think you don’t need me any longer. You can pour your pills yourself.”
“Yes. I can pour my pills. I am getting well. I work very hard to get well. My physical therapist said that I would soon be able to walk without a walker. Then, the women will swarm me.”
“Good for you,” Lisa saidas she put together bottles of medications that needed reordering.
“Ask Barbara to reorder these medications for you,” Lisa said as she stood up to pack her bags.
“I will reorder them myself,” Johnny insisted, “I only want Barbara to do those things I cannot do for myself.”
“Very well then.”
“Remember to check my feet to see if they are swollen.”
“How will I forget? I will also check your blood pressure.”
“You’re the best.”
“Yeah, yeah… I know you like when I touch your feet.”
“I won’t lie to you, I enjoy it.”
Johnny slowly pulled his pants up. Lisa bent down and began to touch his feet. She pressed Johnny’s skin down and watched as it rose gently. Her tender touch reminded Johnny of the days when he had a personal Filipino masseuse come to his house for special Friday night massage. Johnny’s eyes were full of light. Fierce excitement was beaming out of them. Then he saw the edge of Lisa’s underwear sprout out and a wild smile flashed on his face.
**** Barbara waited for Johnny to open his bedroom door and come for his night medication. As she waited, she began to reminisce about her journey to America.
Until six years ago, Barbara Kamua, who studied Law at the University of Nairobi, Kenya, was a chief investigator with the Kenyan Human Rights and Democracy Watch. She came to New York to attend a UN-sponsored human rights conference and the lure of New York seduced her. She never left.
Like many immigrants before her, it was the promise of a better life that made her abandon an advanced career in Nairobi for a traumatic life in Queens. She stayed briefly with a classmate of hers who had immigrated years before. Faced with the demand of making a living, she started work as a home-health aide, the only work that immigrants without proper working papers could obtain.
The ambitious Barbara took the New York bar examination the next year, and the next, and the next. It had been six years now and all illusions about passing the bar had evaporated.
Barbara had not been home all these years. If she stepped out of the United States, she would not be allowed back in because her six months visa had since expired. Her entrapment became obvious to her when her mother died three years ago. She could not go home to bury her mother. The agony of that loss especially the inability to say a befitting farewell to her mother was more than what she could bear.
Immediately after her mother’s funeral, Barbara buried her idealism about life. On the advice of a friend, she married the first American man willing to marry her. He was a broke, Brooklyn bum. It did not matter to her. She even paid him to marry her. At the immigration center, it was discovered that he was also married to three other different women. He was arrested for bigamy, but he jumped bail. Barbara’s immigration case had been stalled ever since. ** At exactly 8 p.m., Johnny came out of his room and asked Barbara to bring down his medication box. He opened the evening medication container and poured the content into his palm. He counted the medication and threw them into his mouth. He called on Barbara to get him a glass of water.
“I thought I was to help you do things you couldn’t do yourself. Are you saying you cannot fetch a cup of water for yourself?”
Johnny did not respond. Instead, he wheeled himself into the kitchen; balancing himself by the refrigerator, he stood up, opened a cabinet, and took a cup. He got back on his wheelchair and turned on the faucet. He drank water and wheeled himself back into the living room area. He saw Barbara writing in the communication log.
“Good night, Barbara.”
“Good night, Johnny.”
“Who’s coming in tonight?”
“I think it is Andrew?”
“Andrew?”
“Yeah, Andrew.”
“Is he in love with you or what?”
“What?”
“I asked if Andrew is in love with you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I see the way he looks at you.”
“When was that?”
“When he comes in to relieve you.”
“He has relieved me only twice since last week when I began to work here.”
“If you have the right eyes, it doesn’t take long to see.”
“Whatever.”
“If you ask me, I think you two will make a nice couple.”
“Goodnight Johnny.”
“Drive safely!”
Johnny wheeled himself into his room and slammed the door. Barbara continued to complete her paperwork. Intermittently, she spent time wondering if Johnny really noticed anything. To Barbara, Andrew was one cool Latino guy who seemed to have a head on his shoulder. But Barbara was still checking him out and pondering what greater complication such move would add to her life.
Barbara would hit thirty-five in a few weeks. The prospect to meeting a Kenyan man who would marry her was becoming dimmer and dimmer. If she had her residency papers in place, she would have gone to Kenya and imported a man as had become the trend for women her age who were rejected by their men abroad. What made Barbara more disgusted by her so-called life was that, all of a sudden, she was having difficulty finding men who showed interest. It was a new experience for her. And sometimes, a woman needs a man to hold – any man.
“Barbara,” Johnny called out, interrupting Barbara’s thought.
Barbara jumped off the couch and walked to Johnny’s room. She knocked on the door gently.
“Come in,” Johnny screamed.
As Barbara walked in, Johnny raised a bottle of cream up and asked her, “Could you help me apply this cream.”
“Was it prescribed by a doctor?”
“Yes,” Johnny answered. He was wearing a shower gown. Though his legs were clutched together, Barbara could see that he was not wearing an underwear.
“You have to dress up first.”
“It is applied before I dress up.”
“Where is it supposed to be applied?”
“The doctor said I should have it robbed on my penis every night.”
“What?”
“Yes. Robbed on my penis.”
“You must be kidding. I am going to call the supervisor and let him confirm this.”
“The supervisor doesn’t even know. The medication came in this evening.”
“I am not doing anything this crazy.”
Barbara turned around to walk out. Flashed through her mind was this story of an African who immigrated to England. He was desperate for job and was glad to be offered one in an old people’s home. He was assigned to an old man who had lost all his teeth. At the end of his first day, the old man was so impressed with his attitude that he asked him to take a bowl by his bed filled with peanuts. The African went home happy. At home, he had beans and added the peanuts into the garri his family used to eat the beans. On his second day at work, he spent his first half hour thanking the old man and telling him how his family used the peanuts to enjoy a meal of beans and garri. After a while, the old man told the African to cease expressing gratitude for he would have thrown away the peanuts. When the African asked why, the old man said he had no use of them since he had no teeth. Then he added that he only licked the chocolate from the candy bar and left the nuts out.
“Ok, Barbara, come back. I was just pulling your leg,” Johnny said.
“You were doing what?” Barbara queried and quickly came off her trance.
“I was just kidding.”
“That’s not a joke at all.”
“Come near let me ask you something.”
“I don’t have to come near. Say what you need to say. I will hear you from here.”
Johnny wheeled himself near Barbara. He asked her to bend down a little. Barbara bent her head. “I want you to have sex with me.”
“What did you say?”
“I want to have sex with you.”
“That’s an inappropriate thing to say. How can you say something like that?”
“Ok, just stand here let me masturbate.”
“Johnny, you’re making me uncomfortable. I have to call the supervisor.”
“Please don’t call her. But just let me hold you. Let me kiss you.”
“Johnny, you’re acting in a sexually inappropriate way. I am a staff and you’re not respecting me when you behave this way. It makes me feel uncomfortable and has a negative effect on me.”
Johnny pulled back towards his bed. Barbara looked at him pitifully and walked away. Back in the living room, Barbara picked the phone and contemplated whether to page the supervisor or not. She dialed the area code and stopped when Johnny opened his door and wheeled himself out.
“I am sorry, Barbara.”
“You should know there are appropriate ways to pursue intimate relationships. This is not one of such.”
“I know.”
“Aren’t you married?”
“Yes, I am.”
“What do you think your wife will say when she hears this?”
“We already talked about it.”
“What did you talk about?
“She said it is ok.”
“What’s ok?”
“Me exploring….”
“Your wife said that?”
“Yes.”
“When did she say so?”
“During the holidays.”
“Johnny, just go to bed. If you can, write down your feelings in your journal. When your behaviorist comes, talk to her about it.”
“Please promise me you will not tell anybody.”
“I cannot. We are mandated to report incidents like this.”
“Just this time. I promise it won’t happen again.”
“No. I am sorry, but I have to report, or else I will fail in my duty.”
Johnny paused. His face looked downcast. He began to inch the wheelchair into his room.
“You don’t have to worry. You will not be in trouble or anything like that. Your behaviorist will just process it with you.”
“Life sucks!” Johnny said as he gyrated into his room.
****
Julia listened carefully as the IBP explained the options. She did not interrupt, neither did she ask questions. She felt embarrassed and humiliated listening to outsiders interfering in her personal affairs. She could stand the IBP but not Johnny’s program supervisor, a woman she had called a bitch to her face. As the IBP marshaled out her recommendations, Julia could only reflect on how her projected life with Johnny collapsed following that accident.
What she could not fathom was the impression everyone was giving her concerning her role in the life of Johnny. To her, Johnny was only good for the check he brought in every month and the Smithtown house she now occupied with their kid. Otherwise she would have divorced him six years ago when doctors said he would never walk again. What use was a man who could not walk?
Julia arrived very early at a convenient arrangement with Johnny. Johnny would leave the nursing home and be part of New York’s pioneer participants at a waiver program that would provide services to him in an apartment complex. Her job would be to visit once a week with her fifteen-year-old daughter, Melissa. Anything more was asking too much.
She specially resented any suggestion that she should feel guilty for his inappropriate sexual behavior because she was not playing her role as a wife. Julia had found herself a man who fulfilled the void in her life. She could not imagine bringing herself as low as engaging in any intimate relationship with Johnny anymore. In fact, the feeling had long evaporated. Even when she kissed him goodbye, there was always emptiness in her gesture.
Julia did not mind paying for Johnny’s subscription to Playboy. She also made it a point of duty to pick up a new adult tape for him once every month. She wondered what else these so-called advocates wanted her to do – to pay for an escapade with a prostitute? That would be preposterous, she told herself.
Johnny had accepted the finality of his relationship to Julia. He knew one day she would divorce him. What he did not know was why she had not done so. He once angrily told one of his Structural Day Program participants, “Hide your face in shame. Your wife is out there screwing other men.” His resignation was an apparent acceptance of that finality.
Julia was fully aware that the supervisor was enjoying the meeting in which another guilty-ridden charge was leveled at her. Before Julia walked away, she said to the team that she would do all she could to help Johnny. On saying that, she resented what thought might be going on in the mind of the supervisor. It was Julia’s lowest point. But she was determined to redeem herself and come up on top, as always. More importantly, she was determined to revenge the embarrassment to which the Supervisor and the whole hierarchy of CARE subjected her once every six months .
****
Barbara was surprised to see Julia stay with Johnny for close to six hours. It was the first time she had spent more than thirty minutes. The two drove out and ate at nearby restaurant. They were becoming a couple again it appeared. When Barbara had a down time, she called the Supervisor.
“Could you believe she took him out,” Barbara gossiped over the phone.
“What do you expect? We told her she has a husband who is swallowing Viagra and trying to have sex with young girls of her daughter’s age; maybe that was all she needed to get off her butt. Maybe they will do it tonight.”
“I do not think so.”
“Why do you say that?”
“His door has been open all day. From their conversation, which I overheard, there is nothing intimate going on.”
“You just watch and see.”
“Do you wanna bet?”
“My bet is that you are messing around with Andrew.”
“Why do you say something like that?”
“Because Johnny told me.”
“That scumbag. What did he say?”
“He said the way he talks and flirts with you, he thinks something is going on between the two of you.’
“What does he know?”
“Well, at least we can all agree he is a man on heat. And a man on heat can identify a couple on heat.”
“Please!”
“All I want you to remember is the company policy. Two people in a relationship cannot work in the same program. That’s all I care about. I don’t care who you give a little booty.”
“He is kind of cute, but I am not…”
“You don’t have to explain anything. I will know something is going on when you or Andrew request for a transfer. Even though I do not want to lose any of you but, if love is going to take one of you away, who am I to obstruct?”
Barbara had met the Supervisor at the Suffolk Community College, where both were students. The Supervisor was a nursing student while Barbara was taking some preliminary classes for nursing. It was one of those accidental meetings at the cafeteria. The Supervisor had convinced Barbara to apply for a job at CARE. They had become friends ever since.
“My sistah, this is all girl talk. Before anything goes down, I will let you know.”
“Didn’t you say you wanted a baby; he will make cute ones if you ask me.”
There was a sound of keys being fiddled in the doorway. Johnny’s voice rang out, telling Julia to knock on the door.
“Hey, I got to go. I think they are coming in,” Barbara said as she prepared to drop the phone.
“Ok, then. If I were you, I will be on the watch out. I think it will happen tonight.”
Barbara hung the phone and walked to the door. She opened the door for Julia and Johnny. Their faces were tense.
The chatty Johnny was pensive. As he wheeled himself into his room, he said to Julia, “Honey, I need a massage.”
There was a brief excitement on Barbara’s heart. It was quickly doused when Julia replied to Johnny, “Nice try!”
****
As he had done every Friday night in the last three weeks, Andrew walked in at exactly 11.45 pm. It gave him 15 minutes to spend with Barbara before she clocked out. He was wearing baggy pants, tight T-shirt that displayed his well-built muscles, and had newly cut hair that highlighted his Ricky Martins-kind-of-handsomeness. He was in a particularly jovial mood. He dropped his carryon bag on the table and asked Barbara, “Is this place hot or is it just me.”
Barbara, at awe with his body build, agreed without mustering the courage to look him in the eyes. He lifted the lower edge of his T-shirt and used it to fan himself. Barbara saw a glimpse of his flat stomach, tight and machine-like. His white Buggle Boy boxer flashed at Barbara. He stretched himself out near the living room table like an athlete about to embark on a sprint.
Barbara, sitting by the table was feeling a different kind of heat. She was tempted to use her finger to fan herself but decided against doing that, for it would be too obvious. She pretended to be looking at a Cosmo magazine on the table, but her whole concentration was on him.
“What time did Johnny go to bed?” Andrew asked.
“About 9.30 pm,” Barbara responded.
“Anything I should know?” Andrew requested as he approached the table.
Barbara gave him a breakdown of her shift. She informed him that Julia visited and was kind to let her take a break.
“She is not as bitchy as everyone makes her look,” Barbara suggested.
“I don’t care if she is bitchy or not. I just want her to give my man a little somethin’ before the guy hump me one night.”
Barbara smiled in a very dirty way. Andrew noticed it. He too smiled in his own dirty way. He squeezed himself closer to her, beyond the comfort zone area. Barbara fidgeted. Her eyes were weak and some monsters seemed to suck up the energy in her. Something told her it was time to flee but she could not make a move.
Gently, Andrew held her hand and stroked it soothingly. Each stroke sent a wave of desire across her spine. He patted her chin so tenderly that she felt her spleen melting. He bent his body and his wide shoulders came directly in front of Barbara’s face. That pose had a suffocating effect on Barbara. She tried to wriggle herself out for fresh air and her nose slightly rubbed his chin. It was electric. Sparks of emotion flew across the room. Andrew pulled back and it gave Barbara space to stretch out.
Though in her mid-thirties, her body did not manifest that. As she stretched out, her breasts puffed out in a firm and inviting posture. Her oblong face revealed a woman of above average beauty. Her smooth cheek looked delicious. She had thick lips that betrayed her Kikuyu heritage. The lips curved in a special way that stimulated a longing in anyone who beheld them.
From a distance, Andrew soaked in her physical grace. His longing thickened the air around them. Majestically, he strolled towards her. As he approached reluctantly, she moved towards the closet to grab her coat. By the closet, Andrew caught up with her. Calmly, he took the coat from her and returned it to the closet. He placed his big hands around her back and gently pulled her towards him. She did not resist. Instead, her body trembled with passion. He raised her chin up and rubbed his nose over hers. A mass of ardor engulfed them. In a moment of epiphany, he stared deep into her eyes and she too did the same. In a synchronizing pattern, their mouths opened, lips mashed, tongue entangled, and then their eyes closed.
The sex was quick, quaint, and quieting. The moaning and groaning were suppressed so as not to wake up Johnny. As they put on their clothes, Johnny’s door opened and Julia walked out with a mischievous smile on her face. She rattled Barbara and Andrew.
“Nice job, you two,” she said, clapping her hands. She pointed at a hidden video recorder mounted by the exercise bike and snipped, “Though I got your performance on tape, it didn’t last long enough to get Johnny up. So, I demand a repeat right inside Johnny’s room. Lets go, people.”
Barbara covered her face in shame.
With his hands swiftly pulling his pants up, Andrew muttered to himself: "Bitch." |
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