Tinkering the third term

KWENU! Our culture, our future

Tinkering the third term

M. O. ENÉ

New Jersey, USA

Sunday, May 7, 2006

Ol’ boy, it seems the third-term turmoil is over before it begins.

What are you talking about? It has not even started. Top or tail, heads will roll, wrapped with the one-trillion naira war chest. Boy oh boy, so many heads will roll before this is over. You just mark my words. By the way, what makes you think the turmoil is over?

Take a first-week Senate snapshot: 36 oppose, 51 endorse, 2 undecided.

You mean the two senators from Anambra and Enugu waiting to be settled?

Exactly my point! This means that, potentially, everyone is for sale.

No, you cannot buy Mrs. Daisy Danjuma (PDP, Edo South); her husband is loaded, and he has threatened to kick her out if she votes for term elongation. You cannot take Alhaji Idris Kuta (PDP, Niger East) out of IBB machine; the man is rock-solid IBB-man. Senator Uche Chukwumerije….

Nnaa meen, leave matter for Matthias! Do not underestimate Baba Iyabo; see how Senators Tunde Ogbeha and David Mark—supposed IBB boys—eat off his hands.

I do not underestimate President Obasanjo, or “Baba Iyabo, if you must; he is the most powerful person in Nigeria today. Then again, you must not misread IBB either; he has his mmuonaetiliyaude…. I mean his “multitude,” for lack of a better English equivalent.

You mean his “drummer spirit”… as in the spirit drumming for the little ”nza” bird that dances in the middle of the road? Whatever, tell me sincerely, why do you oppose third term; do you want these vultures to vamoose with the democracy dividends?

Nigeria is not yet a democracy, so we cannot talk of dividends of democracy. What we have is an improvement on the dark, despicable, and dictatorial days of goggled General Sani Abacha, the Butcher of Abuja.

Don’t speak ill of the dead! Now, back to my question: Why are you against third term?

Sincerely speaking, I am not against third term.

You are not? Otio-o!

I am not. Whoever provides my people with the basic needs of life – power, water, job, and security… plus all the standard academic, commercial, health, and transportation infrastructures —can help himself to a third term. In fact, I am for the removal of term limits.

What? You want term limits removed kpata-kpata?

Oh yes, completely -- if that is what you mean by “kpata-kpata.” Take the term-limit provision out and you will hear the sound of silence.

Then what?

Then we would know what the other parts of the 116 proposed amendments say.

You know you make sense sometimes….

I make sense always; you must give me that! The translation of my middle name is “A bag of sense.”

Okay, what are the other amendments?

I rest my case! How would you know if all we read and hear is the third-term brouhaha? The Constitution is a military hand-me-down; it needs to reflect the wishes of the people. The proposals on the reform of local governments are top on my list of priorities. Then there is the removal of criminal immunity from top to bottom; only those who serve to steal, those who are criminals by nature, would want the clause retained for every Adamu, Emeka, and Olu. Then there is the increase in derivation. I personally don’t care if President Obasanjo rules until he drops… he wants to die in office, anyway. One man does not make a democracy. If he is good, let the people put him back; if not, let them say so in a free and fair election.

“Free and fair” is not a Nigerian.

Wrong! We can do it. Professor Humphrey Nwosu pulled it off in 1993 under the transition program of military President Ibrahim Babangida, IBB.

With that primitive Option-4 thingy?

Primitive? Okay, why are you opposing Professor Maurice Iwu’s automatic voting concept?

Automatic what? It’s electric… or is it electronic voting; it won’t work in Nigeria of all places! Ol’ boy, if you want me to laugh, tell me another joke; this one is not funny.

There you go again. If Option 4 is “primitive,” why don’t we go modern? And in case you were wondering about electricity supply, this one will use cell batteries.

Please don’t go there. The good Professor is merely trying to write results on his laptop! We cannot move from primitive piracy to high-tech highjack.

I am not even going to argue with you. I didn’t come here to get headache.

Edutain me!

I will educate you; I don’t have time for entertainment.

Relax, my friend! This is not a matter of life and death.

It is! We are talking about millions of fellow citizens who are disenfranchised and devalued as human beings by an electoral process that throws up vultures and hyenas to devour their carcasses.

Ouch! Must you dramatize the discussion?

Listen: You cannot eat isiewu and abhor goat meat.

True.

Good. To install an acceptable electoral process, you must take into consideration the factors that could potentially rubbish the outcome. Take Option 4: You called it primitive….

I am beginning to change my mind. You see, the Western world is still using the ballot system, which to me is equally primitive and confusing. Even the improved Florida system threw up flawed chads that eventually threw up President G. W. Bush.

Have you wondered why Option 4 worked? No, let me help you: Have you wondered why Iwu-led INEC is not considering it?

I believe one factor is the logistics nightmare with 37 political parties and more to come.

Bingo!

So, if we have two to four political parties, elections could be handled better?

Exactly! Politicians are not good losers; in fact, human beings hate to be on the losing end. They will do whatever it takes to stay afloat, to survive, to stay relevant. In Nigeria of today, you lose, you go under. The only way to stop the eventual winners from taking you for granted and to keep them on their toes throughout their tenures is to match force with equal force. I don’t mean “force” as in shooting up people. If a political party knows that the other is capable of stopping its rigging tendencies or use the legislature to checkmate its executive lineup, it would think twice before embarking on an evil plot of rigging and mismanagement.

Do you mean that rigging could be going on even in USA and that the presence of two dominant parties helps to control it?

Close. The fact remains that Nigerians cannot afford 37 political parties. One for each state and one for Abuja, the Federal Capital Territory

Ha, ha ha! That’s what I call edutainment.

Seriously, the only way to go is for the other political parties to fuse and present a formidable opposition to the ruling party, PDP. Anything else is measuring the shadow of a tree – a waste of time.

Now I see why you don’t care about third term; it might not be the issue at stake. Maybe, just maybe, the President is using it to force the emergence of two parties or to flush out some bad eggs.

Or, just maybe too, to create a one-party system!

No, that’s stretching it; Nigerians won’t take a one-party state.

Don’t bet on it. If one-party system results, nothing will happen.

Nothing will happen?

Well, it will just be another stage in our development of democracy.

In other words, something will happen.

If you put it that way, yes; then the ethnic dynamics will kick in to check the emergence of democratic dictatorship a la Daniel arap Moi of Kenya or Egypt’s Mubarak. Niger Delta nightmare will persist. Religion will rear its ugly head….

And Nigerians abroad will scream…

Forget Nigerians abroad; they could not even lobby for their voting rights. Forget the logistics; I just want the rights enshrined in the constitution. In future, Nigerians abroad could determine electoral outcomes in tight races, especially in a two-party paradigm. See what happened in Italy recently. While we are busy screaming about third term, the issue of Diaspora voting rights was neatly ignored in the present amendment exercise. Yet, every week, they line up to receive one politician or the other and spend their money blowing useless trumpets. Sad!

You are right; the so-called Diasporans don’t bite. Anyway, I think I like your two-party paradigm?

In a two-party setup, we will have two camps opposing each other; and there might never be whitewash, rubberstamp legislatures ever again. Whatever party controls the executive branch must practice decent democracy or incur the wrath of battle-ready houses of legislations.

So with an acceptable electoral process, the term limit becomes mute.

Very mute! Do you think the Republicans would field George Bush again if he were to go for a third term? They would only do it if they were sure that Democrats would field O. J. Simpson!

The Democrats would have returned Bill Clinton for a third term.

Sure; but, with the Lewinski affair, Al Gore would have moved against him....

Just as Atiku should move against Obasanjo?

Vice President Atiku Abubakar has already against President Obasanjo by opposing the term elongation.

Do you see any chances for the VP in PDP?

Yes. Do not underestimate the political prowess of the Fulani nation. When shoving becomes pushing, American abracadabra might surface. But the chances are very slim at this point; PDP has been cornered and canned by the cabal, apology to TY Danjuma. They have even removed primaries. Once Ali speaks, you must go!

Ali must go, again! How does IBB fit into the equation?

You factor in IBB at your peril. In short, you cannot factor in IBB and get a straight formula. I don’t want to factor in IBB in the third-term equation; something just does not smell right here. I wish I could put my finger on it.

How do you mean?

I don’t know what to make of IBB. He is not called “Maradona” for nothing. I don’t think anyone knows exactly what the man is doing. Did you notice the total silence from Aso Villa to his latest take on the third-term turmoil? IBB told OBJ pointblank, in plain Hausa, to “just quit”! To date, Presidential bulldog Fani-Kayode has not responded!

Do you mean that there is a deal somewhere?

Deals, my brother, deals; it’s hard to figure out which one is real.

So the Atiku option is easier to figure out?

Oh yes, the VP has ACD to fall back on once he gets to the cul-de-sac that PDP has become. He is just safeguarding his immunity by pretending to play PDP party politics.

And IBB?

There you go again! What is this, an interview? Wait, are you taping me? You know that’s the ebeano or oyato happening: You tape someone badmouthing Baba… OBJ, and you get an oil block. Simple! Seriously, I thought we were supposed to have a quiet moment over a bowl of isewu and a bottle of French champagne. I said you should not put IBB into the equation.

Do you think he… IBB is working for OBJ indirectly?

No comment; pour the bottom booze… you have had enough.

MOET has no dregs; do not play that seniority crap. Okay, let’s look at it this way: Do you think ACD can absorb all the other parties?

I don’t know, and no more questions.

You seem to think the term elongation could pass eventually.

The votes are not there. I doubt it, but it could because I don’t underestimate the muscle of money. Whatever the outcome, it wouldn’t change the coming realities.

Anyway, I think Senate President Ken Nnamani is playing ball; he is just bidding his time.

So far, he is been just great. I am proud of him. Any man can play ball for the right price. I won’t blame him: Who wan’ die!

Right price might be… say, if the Presidency and PDP machine give him control of Enugu State PDP and “Ladoja” Governor Nnamani.

No one can Ladoja Chimaroke Nnamani and his Ebeano PDP at this point in the play; Ebeano cannot fold at this point. No, Governor Nnamani is almost already home and dry… well, not as per the cliché. However, a hijack of the party structure, as the so-called “authentic” PDP plot, could be a good price for the political survival of Senator Ken Nnamani… unless he would eventually jump party and play the second fiddle to either IBB or Atiku in a North-Southeast realignment.

Ah ha, you are throwing IBB back into the equation!

I did not say he is not a part of the equation; I said he complicates the equation. Until we figure him out, everything else is fighting over the shadow of an ass.

This means that if IBB gets on OBJ’s case, OBJ could strike back at him with vengeance.

He could; but, just because it is Harmattan, why bring down the house that could protect you from the coming rain?

I wonder who will be the biggest loser in all these manipulations.

Not OBJ; he would have succeeded in making many midgets out of many supposedly stellar stalwarts. He will get a huge high out of belittling so many maggots feeding fat on our common fiscal resources. And all because they bought into an issue on which he was not too keen in the first place. Hey, he always said his chickens and pigs missed him. At what point in the longing for Ota Farm did someone ambush the retired General and make him change his mind? Didn’t his son Gbenga say it was not his will? Yet, some animal called man stepped in, and the rest is history in the making.

Now you are trying to build excuses for the man?

He does not need me to build excuses for him; he has them all line up. Come on, the man told the world he was neither a “manipulator” nor a “maneuverer,” but a “democrat.” What more does “the world” want!

One more bottle of MOET & Chandon?

Make sure it is Black Star… Imperial Nectar… and another bowl of isiewu extra-spiced. My brother, you cannot flash dirty hands while standing in the middle of a stream. A dry throat is a terrible thing to have, and no landlord should live on Tennant Road!

I hear you, but “A slice of suya, a slice of suya,” it all is coming for the flesh of one cow!

So now you want to blame God for buttering your brown bread with Margarine? I beg you, the one wey you chop, na ‘im you carry go-o!

In the end, all is vanity.

Life itself is vanity.