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Holy black smoke, but no cigars for Africa
M. O. ENÉ
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
[AT A VILLAGE SQUARE SOMEWHERE IN CHRISTENDOM]
#A na-azu okwe, a na-azu okwe-o? A na-azu okwe! A na-azu okwe na Vatican City-o! A na-azu okwe!# What’s the mumbo-jumbo all about?
#A si na a na-azu okwe na Vatican City-o! A na-azu okwe! Ogene ike kpokuolu m Eze Chitoke Abiama! A na-azu okwe! Ndi a azukwa anyi okwe n’isi! A na-azu okwe! Anwuruoku Arinze putakwara! A na-azu okwe!# Oh, you are talking about Francis Cardinal Arinze? Oh I see!
You see nothing? What did you see? I saw the white smoke. It could only tell one thing that I know.
You saw smoke? What do you know? You talk too much, you know! I know that Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger of Germany is now Pope Benedict XVI.
Ah ha? That is what we call proper "arrangee" elections. That's a smokescreen right there! Yes, it was “arranged,” whatever that means. The cardinals held four rounds of voting or thereabouts on Monday, April 18, 2005-- two in the morning and two in the afternoon. At the end of the day, no one got the two-thirds support needed, that is 77 votes out of the voting 115 princes of the church.
Master historian! Then what happened? After each voting session, they burned the ballot papers at about noon and at about 7 p.m. on each day of voting.
Now, you said you saw everything; you said that you know everything… you were inside the place watching the whole show for CNN and BBC? No, but the tradition has been there for two centuries. It's common knowledge.
Okay, the color of the smoke says something, right? Yes, they apply some chemicals to enhance burning and to produce the desired smoke color.
Chemicals? Paper no longer burns on its own? That’s an avenue for "arrangee"... for creating smokescreen! You are mumbling… what did you say?
Never mind! And which color came out first? Well, there was an initial grayish white color… causing some confusion among observers at St. Peter’s Square. Then the stove worked well and black smoke puffed out. So black smoke came out first because the cardinals did not….
Holy black smoke! Don’t you see? Haven’t you seen what they did? Seen what?
That Arinze won the first round hands-down! No, it means that no one got the required two-third majority! Talking of which, Francis Cardinal Arinze is not the only Africa there; there are 16 African cardinals. Arinze is not even the only eligible Nigerian! Anthony Cardinal Okogie of Lagos was also eligible to vote and to be voted for.
Were you there? No. Only cardinals under 80 were allowed to participate… 115 out of eligible 117 of them.
And you were over 80, so you couldn't vote! I am a layman; I am not eligible to vote, though I heard that any male Catholic can be elected pope.
Mr. Know-all, did you know that Filipino Cardinal Sin was sick and couldn’t make it? And so was Cardinal Suarez Rivera? I don’t recall their names, but I know two cardinals were missing in action.
Then, listen to me: they rigged the election… the same thing happened in Anambra State of Nigeria—home state of Cardinal Arinze. A politician of a popular political party won. A godfather supplanted the winner's name with the name of another person from an unpopular but national ruling party. I am telling you that right from the word go, they planned to rig the election. How do you mean?
You didn’t see Cardinal Ratzinger as he was campaigning left, right, and center? You didn’t see the man doing things like a palace coup had taken place and needed the confirmation of members of the junta? The man is a real insider-o! Anyway, never mind me, tell me what happened after the first day, after not recognizing that Cardinal Arinze had won—as was evident in the black smoke? You are unbelievable. Anyway, the cardinals spent their first night of the conclave in the super-secure Domus Sanctae Marthae.
What is that… my Latin is dead? It is a $20 million hotel that John Paul II had constructed inside the Vatican City. I guess he wanted the cardinals who would choose his successor to rest in comfortable private rooms while in Rome for the conclave.
Okay, they rested for the night, not knowing that someone was not calling the message of the smoke. They had time to fine-tune the abracadabra of their American wonder …. America? European wonder is more like it. No American was in contention, not after all the pedophile scandals. Whatever you might think, earlier this morning, the first session ended inconclusively.
Stop: what smoke came out again? Black smoke came out ….
Good: Three down. What?
Never mind. Continue. At the late session, white smoke puffed out of the Sistine Chapel’s chimney stove, signaling that the cardinals sequestered inside the chapel for the first papal conclave of the new millennium had elect the 265th pope in record time.
Ah ha, one white smoke? Yes. The white smoke was the awaited signal saying that Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger of Germany, head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith since 1981, is the new pope. He chose the name Pope Benedict XVI.
Never mind what he now calls himself; did you say he claimed victory once one white smoke came out? No, he did not “claim” victory; the white smoke showed that the cardinals had made a choice. In other words, he secured the required 77 votes or more.
And they chose a German of Bavarian descent? It just happened.
Great! Now what happened to the three times that black smoke appeared? Why did no one pay attention to what God was saying? What was that?
That a Blackman won, not once, not twice, but three times! Oh I see what you mean. You must be a funny man, my friend!
Do I look like Eddie Murphy or Jude Away Away? No.
Good, so do not interrupt my ogene music: # Anwuruoke Arinze futakwara… mana a na-azu okwe! Ndiocha azukwaa anyi okwe n’isi… ebe a na-azu okwe.# Hey, look at it this way: The German flock is shrinking, and the Church needs to get many Europeans back to the fold with the legendary German discipline and devotion to duty. Left alone, Muslims will quietly take over Europe. That's the deal, my dear.
And you think the Blackman is indiscipline incarnate, that we are not devoted to duty? You think an African pope cannot make Germans come back to the church, that Africans cannot do to… or is it for… them what their forefathers had done for.... to us? If they were disciplined, how come they left the church in the first place? Are they better than us? No, I am not saying that the Europeans are better than Africans.
Then what are you saying? You admit that Cardinal Ratzinger’s nationality was considered? I guess so.
And the man is a Whiteman? Yes. As was Polish Pope John Paul II, whom everyone loved.
Is that not what they call “racism” in America? Okay, JP II tried. He ran the communists and communism out of Poland and across to Russia. Just as Pope Benedict would give life back to the German Church!
And Africa has no problem that an African pope in Vatican can consider important? Ehmmm, I doubt it. The African Church is growing in leaps and bounds. Africa is exporting priests and nuns. The deadwood dictators are passing into history. Even then, Vatican now knows that poverty draws Africans closer to God. That’s why there is no liberation theology in Africa—as in South America. Hey, the Catholic Church has no big opposition in Africa.
Not even from the Anglicans and the all-comer, all-corner spiritual churches? No way! The Anglicans are introducing too much liberalism, much more than African tradition can handle at a time: homosexual and women bishops, divorced heads of the church, etc. The spiritual churches are money-minded, raving and ranting loonies who cater to wait-and-take faith fulfillment.
That means that if we want an African to be pope any time soon, we should start heading back to our traditional belief system and make Vatican elect a pope that would redress that for them? Not necessarily. The African can change the Church from within. I believe some writer recently called it the “oforification of the faith.” It is the same as “inculturation.” The African Church needs to evolve its own core, its own complexion, its own concepts of creation, and its own identity.
Great, that is exactly what I am doing with ogene music. When I am done. Please, let's go over Mama Ngozi's parlor for a communion of kolanut and palmwine. You see, I am starting the obvious because, as they say in Igbo: eziokwu gba oto – the truth is naked. Good luck then with telling the truth, but don’t go thinking that someone rigged out your countryman. The black smoke does not signal that a Black pope is elected, even though the white smoke signals that a pope -- who happens to be a Whiteman -- is elected. Otherwise, you must be saying that they should consider using a brown smoke some day for some brown pope?
I didn’t say that; I am only saying that the shade of smoke foretells the message of fire. “The shade of smoke foretells the message of fire”? I have never heard of such an idiomatic expression.
You just did, my friend;, you just did! #A na-azu na Vatican City; a na-azu okwe!# Hmm!
Hmm, what? I was thinking you would say "ghana-must-go" bags changed hands! You heard the rumors circulating, but we both know they are what you call "radio without battery."
Do not blaspheme, my friend! What if money was somehow remotely involved? Your people would have called it 4-19 election... today being April 19.
You are crazy. Your people are crazy. You didn't see me; I didn't see you. I am out of here! What about the kolanut and palmwine?
Didn't you hear me? This conversation never took place. I am ghost! Huh?! |
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